


Alive

by bazypitchandsimonsnow (ChessPargeter)



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-06
Updated: 2017-04-06
Packaged: 2018-10-15 09:30:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10554034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChessPargeter/pseuds/bazypitchandsimonsnow
Summary: Baz is running. He needs to go somewhere. He needs to find someone.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Started writing this on a whim at 2am. Hope you all like it :)

I'm running. I'm running faster than I’ve ever run before. And that's saying a lot because vampires can run pretty damn fast.

I race up a seemingly endless winding staircase. Darkness surrounds me. I don't know where I am, but I need to go somewhere. I need to find someone.

“Snow!” I shout. My voice echoes through the stone corridor.

“Snow!” Again, no answer.

I see only a sliver of moonlight as I reach the top. It's coming from a wooden door that’s slightly ajar. I burst through, making it fly off its hinges.

There he is, laying on the ground, in a pool of his own blood. The Mage (that bastard) looms over him, trying to draw out the immense power Snow holds. He looks at me with crazed eyes. His hands are covered in red to the wrist.

“Pitch,” he growls. “You're too late. All his power is mine. I will defeat the Humdrum. I will rule the magickal wor-.

I whip out my ivory wand and point it his way. “ _Goodnight sleep tight!”_ A simple spell, but it does the trick. The Mage's eyes roll back in his skull as he collapses into a deep slumber.

I rush to Snow. He is still breathing, be it in sputtering, drowning gasps. I kneel next to him, not caring how much blood is on the floor. I bring a shaking hand to his soft face. He's so cold now, almost as cold as me. I run my thumb over his cheek.

“Oh Snow,” I say, “I'm so sorry.”

“Not your fault, Baz,” he forces out.

“If I'd gotten here sooner, I could've stopped him, I could've-”

“Shh.” He slowly brings his hand to touch mine. “Stop blaming yourself. Not now. Not before I...well we both know what's going to happen.”

Tears start leaking from my eyes. “No. No don't say that. Please-”

“Baz.” He weakly grasps my hand. He's so cold. He’s the sun, and his light is going out.

“Baz. Stop. There's...nothing you can do now.”

More tears fall. I run my hand over his soft bronze curls.

“What do you need?” I whisper.

“Just stay here. Just stay with me.”

I nod, and slowly lift his head so it rests on my lap. I keep running my hands through his hair. My mind returns to the forest fire, to that kiss. And to all the kisses afterwards in my room. I didn't realise those would be the last ones. That I'd never kiss him again. After so many years of pining, I dreamed that we'd have some future. That there’d be some hope for us at all. But as I look at his bleeding body, that future disappears. I can’t stop myself from crying.

“Snow,” I say, “I’m so sorry.”

“Told you. S’not your fault...”

“No no. I'm sorry for all the times I hurt you. All the insults, the teasing, the chimera-”

“The stair pushing.”

I chuckle through my tears, so does he. “Yes, that too. I'm sorry, because I didn't mean it. Well, most of it. I still think you’re unbelievably thick.” That makes him laugh again. I'm going to miss that laugh. “Mostly, I was scared. Scared by how I felt and what it meant. I should've told you before, Simon.” I reached down to hold his hand, running a finger over his knuckles.

“I love you, Simon Snow. “

Snow smiles weakly, taking a another sputtering breath. He tries to grasp my hand as best he can.

“Why didn't you say something soo...”

His voice trails off as the last bit of air leaves his lungs. All remaining light dies from his beautiful blue eyes. I break down in sobs, clutching his hand tightly. I pressed my forehead against his. I kept repeating the same phrase over and over again.

“I love you, I love you, I love you...”

* * *

I gasp, my eyes fly open, and I bolt up. The sheet slides off my sweat drenched body. I blink rapidly as I observe my surroundings. It's a drab looking apartment room, with big windows that are open. The sky is still dark. The floor’s covered in dirty laundry and papers. It’s a complete pig sty, so definitely not my Watford room. _Right_ , I think, _I slept over at Simon’s_.

“Simon,” I whisper.

“Baz?” A groggy voice says to my right. He slowly sits up, rubbing sleep out of his eyes. His red wings are pressed against his bare back, like they always are when he sleeps. His stupid devil tail whips around slightly.

I try to speak, but no words come out. I feel a confusing mixture of fear and relief. Snow furrows his brow at me.

“Hello? Earth to Baz?” He waves a hand in front of my face. “Crowley Baz, if you're just going to stare at me, I'm going back to sleep.”

Finally my muscles listen to my brain. I reach out and wrap my arms around Snow’s neck and waist, hugging him tight to me. Tears start falling from my eyes, pooling on his shoulder. He hugs me back, running his hot fingers across my cool back.

“Hey hey,” he whispers. “It's alright, love. I'm right here.”

The real memories start to return. Ebb, the Mage, the Humdrum, the leaver’s ball, university, everything. Simon Snow isn't dead. He _is_ right here. He's with me, in every meaning of the word. I didn't lose him, or miss my chance to tell him what he means to me. I hug him as tightly as I can without crushing him (damn vampire strength). He just keeps holding me, running one hand over my back and one through my hair.

“It's okay, darling. It's alright. Just breath.”

I slowly pull away, my shaking starting to subside. I still keep him close. I need to be sure he’s here. I tap my forehead against his. He brings his hands to my face and wipes away my tears.

“It was a dream, Baz,” he whispers. “Whatever you saw, it didn't happen.”

“It felt so real,” I say with shaking breath. “H-He killed you, to take your magic, and you-you died in my arms, and I-”

“Shh.” He rubs his thumbs over my cheeks. “I'm not dead, Baz. I'm here. I'm alive. And I'm not going anywhere.”

I slowly open my eyes. His freckled face is illuminated only by the moonlight coming in from the window. But I can clearly see his eyes, those soft blue eyes, which give me so much comfort every time I see them. He's right. He's alive, so alive.

I lean forward and kiss him. It's the last reassurance I need. He's alive and he's with me. He's my terrible boyfriend, and I'm his. He kisses me back, still holding my face in his hands. I pull away, only to hug him again.

“I love you, Simon” I say into his shoulder.

“I love you too,” he replies, and my heart skips a beat like it always does.

“Now you need to get back to sleep. It's far too early,” he says, pulling the sheet back up.

I bite my lip and look away. “What if I dream of it all again?”

He smiles, and fiddles with some of my hair. He loves to play with my hair. “Then I'll wake you up and remind you that I'm here all over again. I’ll do it a thousand times if I have to.”

His smile always makes me feel safe. I sigh and nod. “Okay.”

We lay back down. Simon wraps an arm around my waist. He holds me close. His nose presses into my neck, and I feel his warm breath on my skin. I grasp his hand in mine. He squeezes back.

At this moment, when I'm holding him, and he's holding me, I have no doubt that he's alive.


End file.
